Why we don’t laugh at fat jokes at this cafe

Café Sol takes pride in selling homemade treats, made lovingly by local cooks in their own home kitchens. We recently lost part of our supply from one of our most skilled vendors, for the most bizarre reason.

This home cook has been forbidden to cook by her family ‘until she loses weight’. We’ve been stunned by the absurdity and injustice of it, and feel very sorry for her situation.

As an obese person, I understand that weight loss can be punishingly complicated. Will-power and determination are important, but there’s a constellation of social, financial, hormonal, biological, psychological, pharmacological, and numerous other factors that can make weight loss very difficult. To reduce this struggle to a simple matter of ‘lacking self-discipline’ is akin to arguing that the only reason you aren’t a billionaire is because you’re too lazy.

The fact this that gifted home cook is being forced to give up a meaningful revenue stream, is something we find unacceptable. For one, the move appears absurdly misguided, as being forbidden to cook is hardly a weight-loss strategy. Cooking food is a basic part of being an adult. Even the most dedicated fitness experts cook their own meals, and losing access to the kitchen is likely to do more harm than good. And secondly, losing weight largely to meet outdated beauty standards, is particularly problematic.

I sometimes meet people at the café who poke fun at my own weight problem. I do not lash out, but I don’t laugh either. I let the joke fall flat into an uncomfortable silence, as such jokes should. When I hear a fat ‘joke’, the only thing I’m reminded of is a 30-year period of discrimination, bullying, and alienation. It doesn’t necessarily make me angry, but it certainly does not make me laugh.

When I hear a fat joke, I am reminded of our vender who is being kept from doing what she loves. It’s not easy going outside every day, bracing for a torrent of shame and insult.  It’s about lacking a sense of humor. It just doesn’t make us laugh.

Not here.